My BATTLE with CONTENTION

Having 5 kids this close together is not easy... but I'm sure learning a lot.  I've been blessed to be the mother of children with strong personalities.  Some days they get along great- but other times it seems like they argue constantly!  And it drives me crazy.  But - deep down- I'm grateful they're so strong.  It may be more difficult now to teach them how to control their emotions and their tongues- but strong-willed children turn into leaders with steadfast convictions- (if they don't kill each other first.) ;)  Thinking ahead- we'll have 5 teenagers under one roof at the same time, so I'm determined to teach them while they're young so those years will be bearable!

Sibling rivalry is natural for kids.  We believe children are innocent through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, but “when they begin to grow up, sin conceiveth in their hearts” (Moses 6:55).  It's true that children can be delightful, loving, and sweet, but they can also be petty, selfish, and demanding.  And it's up to us as adults to teach them the way of the Lord.

I am so passionate about this.  Seriously- my greatest desire right now is to have a contention-free home.  Unrealistic?  Maybe- but I can still hope, right?  In fact, for every Christmas or Birthday or Mother's Day gift- when the kids ask me what I want, each time I say, "PEACE."

So yesterday when Jakey found out that Mother's day was coming up soon he looked up at me with a twinkle in his eye and said,

 

"Mommy, for mudders day, "I'm gonna give yew peas." 

Hmm- this wasn't exactly what I had in mind!

When we allow contention in our homes, it negates everything we try to do as mothers.  We work so hard to create this warm and loving atmosphere.  We try to keep our homes clean and orderly and pleasant for those we love.  And we try to teach our children true principles and instill proper values in them.  But if the spirit of the Lord is not present- what's the point?  Without the spirit, our teaching does very little to help children.  The Holy Spirit is the great teacher.  The Holy Spirit carries truth to their hearts- and helps them develop their own testimony.  And our kids will need strong convictions about the truth as we send them off into the world.

We know something about where contention comes from...
For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. (3 Nephi 11:29)
The adversary (Satan) wants to create discord in our homes.  He attempts to destroy the most precious of all relationships in an effort to make us miserable like himself.  And we are actually serving him when we argue!

Ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, . . . he being an enemy to all righteousness (Mosiah 4:14).

Yeah- he may be trying to destroy my family.  But I will not give up this fight.  I am determined to teach my children to get along and love each other.
Thankfully we've been blessed with the ultimate parent how-to guide when problems arise.  The scriptures have the answers to all our parenting questions.  The Lord created our children.  He knows them better than we do and He knows how to help us reach them!  But it's up to us to turn to Him and ask for guidance- and recognize we can't do this alone.  He will lead us to the answers that He's already given us in His word.  There are thousands of parenting books out there- and many are wonderful.  But they have different philosophies- and often contradictory information based on the latest study.  And the recommendations often change with societal norms.  But we have a timeless parenting manual... and the author is God himself.  What a blessing!

In my experience, these are some principles that I have found to be true (Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way on most of these):

This DOES NOT work:

Lecturing/Nagging-  It belittles our children, sends the message that they can't think for themselves, and it rarely reaches their hearts.  Basically- it's ineffective.
And, ye ^afathers, ^bprovoke not your ^cchildren to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

This can also provoke children to feelings of anger and defensiveness.  But when we nurture them in the ways of the Lord and gently teach them- it allows the spirit to speak the truth to their hearts.

Yelling- The scriptures teach that a soft answer turneth away wrath.  (Proverbs 15:1)  It's hard to supress our own anger and frustration with our children- especially when they are disobedient and bickering.  But we are the adults, right?  They are looking to us to be the example.  I find that I must prepare myself each day spiritually- and take the time to be at peace within before my kids wake up.  That might include prayer and scripture study, uplifting music, exercise, or whatever I need to do to be the stable and calm mother my kids deserve.

Stepping in/ Being the judge-  As we try to determine who was the offender and who was right during an argument, it only seems to create jealousy and blaming and more rivalry among our children.  I think it's best to allow them the opportunity to work things out.  If we step in every time to solve all their problems, they'll never learn how to get along without us.

Punishments- only causes more friction in the home and often resentment toward the parent.
I love this scripture about parenting:
No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood (or parenthood), only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
"By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile— D&C 121:41

This DOES work:  (Well, kids still have their choice of course, but these principles will give them the best chance of success!)

Example- As much as I'd love to leave this one off the list, I know how important this is.  When I'm stressed out or have a short temper, my children feel the tension and they often react accordingly.  It's actually a little scary to realize how much influence our attitude can have on them.  But we can choose to be a role model of positivity and love- despite our moods and/or circumstances.

Prevention:  When our family is consistently praying together, studying scriptures, and holding regular FHE (family home evening) there is much more peace in our home and our kids are much more likely to get along.  I know these practices foster unity among us, and increase the spirit of reverence in our home.

I also love this promise from Marion G. Romney (a former church leader):

“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein.
“The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase.
“Faith, hope, and charity – the pure love of Christ – will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness".

Another practical tip about prevention- We need to be aware of when and what our kids argue about, and try to find ways around it.  For example, we used to have plates for the kids in all different colors.  For some reason everyone wanted the green one.  (Don't ask me why)  And they would argue over it almost every time we had dinner.  So I got sick of it- so I gave those away- and bought all white bowls.  Also each kid has an assigned seats, and their own day to say the prayer, etc- you get the idea.  In other words- we can look for simple solutions to prevent contention in our homes.

Look for the Good!-  It's so important to catch our kids getting along with each other.  Notice it- and reinforce that behavior with praise, affection, and other rewards.

Teach them to apply the Gospel of Jesus Christ-   This is not the same as preaching.  We need to help them understand the effect of their behavior on others.  We can teach them about Christ and His life of love and sacrifice.  We can teach them about repentance, and the importance of prayer.  One idea is to pray with our children- individually.  Recently, the kids were fighting over a toy, and one of them lashed out and was really upset.  So I took him to another room to pray.  Just him and me.  I asked him to offer the prayer- he didn't want to, but I waited on my knees until he offered it.  Finally, his heart softened, he repented, and love and unity was restored.

Love and Serve one another-

But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another. (Mosiah 4:15.)

One idea to break up an argument- a friend told me when they started quarreling, their parents made them hold hands and sing "Love at Home" or another church song.  She said they couldn't help but laugh- and it immediately dispelled the negativity and helped them feel close again.  Love that!

Here's another idea- Give them all cut-out hearts and have them do a chore, or write a note, or any kind act of service for someone in the family and leave the heart behind as a token of their love.

We did this recently- Celeste made Benny's bed and left her heart on his pillow.  Charity set the table, and I woke up to find this note from Benny on my computer... 

So maybe they really are learning something. 

My hope is that these teachings will sink into their hearts-

so we can live in Peas. Peace.

The Prayer Pillow

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.  This is the first and great commandment. (Matthew 22:38-39)

Recently I read through a journal I've kept over the last few years and noticed something that really made an impact on me. I had marked each day that I had prayed and studied the scriptures- and noticed the periods in my life that I had been doing these things consistently, were the times I wrote about deep contentment and serenity.  My marriage was rock solid, and I seemed to have more patience with the kids.  It's not that my life was free of trials during these times, but I seemed to have a greater resolve and strength to be like the Savior- a strength beyond my own. 

Prayer and scripture study are gospel basics that I KNOW I need to do.  But the challenge is in the DOING- doing it consistently and doing it right.  Admittedly, I've done it all wrong too often.  There are days when I'm completely sleep deprived- I've been up with an infant or a sick child, so I wake up with just enough time to scramble to get myself and everyone else ready. So in other words, I make time for everyone... except the Lord. And the rush of the day begins, and I have every intention of praying and reading scriptures during the day, but sometimes I get distracted or pulled in so many directions that it just doesn't happen. Rather- I fail to make it happen. "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:4) My intentions are good- but I just don't always have the discipline to follow through.

Another mistake I've made is to be too casual with prayer and use "vain repetitions". Or I'll start a prayer, and allow my mind to wander off onto something else (that's embarrassing), or on occasion, if it's a bedtime prayer, I've even fallen asleep in the middle of it. Although I believe the Lord is pleased with any sincere effort we make to communicate with Him- I think He expects more from us.  He asks us to be sincere and penitent. Thankfully, He is eternally patient and kind with me and with all of His children.  He wants to bless us!  And He already knows what we need- but we must ask Him in prayer. I love this quote from the Bible dictionary, "The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them." and " … your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him." (Matthew 6:8).

There's No Place Like Home

I think as mothers in particular, we have a great need to renew ourselves spiritually each day.  As much as I adore my children and LOVE what I do- motherhood and homemaking can be exhausting. So we especially need to draw upon the power of God so we can best serve our families.  They deserve nothing less- than a balanced wife and mother who has made time to commune with the Lord.

So I made a decision to be more consistent in prayer- and it has been a great blessing in my life.  Sometimes all it takes is ONE small choice- we just have to make up our minds- and choose to put Him first.  The change came about as I asked myself, what is the single MOST important thing in my life?  And the answer came- it is truly my relationship with God and my love for Him.  So who then should get first priority in my life?  Not my husband, not my kids, not even myself... God should!  So I decided- the very first thing in the morning-- every morning-- my knees will hit the floor, in an effort to show my love and devotion to Him each day. It's a simple ritual, but it makes a tremendous difference in my life.

I know there is power in prayer.  When I sincerely pour out my heart to Him... I literally feel the burdens lift.  The problems are still unsolved, but I can let go of the negative and worrisome thoughts, and choose to be happy and trust in the Lord.

I even put a little pillow down beside my bed- as a symbol and a reminder of my desire to keep the first and great commandment.  The kids know not to move it- it is now a permanent fixture beside our bed.

"Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can" Pres. Benson declared. "He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life" (Teachings, p. 361).

He truly does make more out of us than we could ever make of ourselves.  And that is what I noticed in my journal- I discovered me without Him... and me with Him.  And I definitely prefer the latter! (And I think my hubby does too... he even has a nickname for my "feisty" side when I start snapping at him or the kids- it's Nicollete, haha!)

Basically, we can choose to go it alone in life- with our own strength, our own intellect, and our own abilities-  or we can trust in Him to walk us through this life and compensate for what we lack.  He wants to bless us and fulfill the petitions of our hearts but we must take the initiative and let him in.

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. (Revelation 3:20)

Return to Virtue

The young women had another special evening recently where they welcomed in the new young women for the year. It went SO well. They performed a program for their parents and friends called "Happily Ever After" that highlighted the theme for the year. Each young woman had the option to sing or speak during the program. I think it's so important for them to have these opportunities at church. Seriously- what better place to develop our talents than among people who love us unconditionally? It was so inspiring to watch them shine!

I mean really- aren't these girls just adorable?!

One of the songs from the program was called, "Return to Virtue". Here are some of the teachings about virtue we shared with the young women:

What does it mean to return to virtue? We are calling for a return to moral purity and chastity. Virtue is purity. Virtue is chastity. The word virtue has also been defined as “integrity and moral excellence, power and strength”. The core of a virtuous life is sexual purity, and yet this definition has almost been erased by the world. The prophet Mormon taught that chastity and virtue are “most dear and precious above all things” (Moroni 9:9).

President Boyd K. Packer has said that "nothing in the history of the Church or in the history of the world … compare[s] with our present circumstances. Nothing … exceeds in wickedness and depravity that which surrounds us now. Never before has there been a greater need for virtue and purity in the world."

President Thomas S. Monson said, "You will need [courage] to be chaste and virtuous. You live in a world where moral values have, in great measure, been tossed aside, where sin is flagrantly on display, and where temptations to stray from the strait and narrow path surround you. Many are the voices telling you that you are far too provincial or that there is something wrong with you if you still believe there is such a thing as immoral behavior.

"Isaiah declared, 'Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness' (Isaiah 5:20). Great courage will be required as you remain chaste and virtuous amid the accepted thinking of the times."

He also counseled: “You be the one to make a stand for right, even if you stand alone. Have the moral courage to be a light for others to follow. There is no friendship more valuable than your own clear conscience, your own moral cleanliness—and what a glorious feeling it is to know that you stand in your appointed place clean and with the confidence that you are worthy to do so.”

Elaine S. Dalton gave us instructions from the scriptures to help us remain virtuous: “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly.” “Cleave unto [your] covenants.” “Stand … in holy places.” “Lay aside the things of [the] world.” “Believe that ye must repent.” “Always remember him and keep his commandments.” And “if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, … seek after these things.”

After the program, each girl was given a white rose as a symbol of purity and to remind her have courage to stand up for what is right and virtuous in a world that often mocks virtue.

Sister Elaine S. Dalton, "As you grow and blossom, your personal purity will enable you to become a force for good and an influence for righteousness in the world. I truly believe that one virtuous young woman, led by the Spirit, can change the world."

And the important reminder about the power of Jesus Christ and the atonement: You are God’s precious daughters! Because of the knowledge of our divine identity, everything must be different for us: our dress, our language, our priorities, and our focus. We must not seek guidance from the world, and if our true identity has been clouded by mistakes or sins, we can change. We can turn around and repent and return to virtue. The Savior’s Atonement is for you and for me. He invites each of us to come unto Him.

The decorations we chose to go along with the theme were all black and white to go along with the theme. And this is the handout that went along with it:

In a world that is blurring morals and lines
between right and wrong, the Lord’s standards
are clear. There are no gray areas.
We don’t believe in being partially honest.
We don’t believe in being chaste only
when we want to. The 13th article of faith
makes it clear what we believe. The
difference between righteousness and
wickedness is “black and white.”

We believe in being honest
We believe in being true
We believe in being chaste
We believe in being benevolent
We belive in being virtuous
We believe in doing good to all men

And of course us leaders dressed in black and white. Have I mentioned how much I love these women?!
And the refreshments had to go along with the theme too... so we had black and white cupcakes and sundaes with black and white toppings- (marshmallows, choc. chips, oreos, sprinkles, hot fudge, etc.) So fun!

I hope these young women choose to rise above the things of this world- and strive to live a virtuous life. I know they see the consequences in the lives of their peers who have chosen otherwise. Rarely do they see happiness as a result of immorality. I hope they always remember who they are- each young woman is God's own child.

Random Funnies

So I was in a bit of a funk the other day. I was feeling a little discouraged and upset with myself cause I was running late again... why is it that I forget something or someone has a dirty diaper every time I need to leave the house? And why does someone always have to stop by when the kids just finish trashing the living room? Anyway, so I was letting the little things get to me. And then Charity walked in like this...

I mean seriously, how could I possibly stay in a bad mood after that?! This little girl is such a hoot! I love her quirky sense of humor! Here are a few random funnies that have brightened my days recently:



Charity: Mommy, can we pwease have Roast Beast for dinner?


On Jakey's birthday, Celeste asks if she could open one of his presents. Jakey: NO! It's MY birthday boy!


Charity (At the top of her lungs): OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN EGG! ?

Daddy during an FHE lesson: So kids, we need to learn how the Holy Spirit speaks to us- the language of the Spirit.
Celeste: Oh, so does the Holy Spirit speak Spanish?

Charity during a prayer in the sweetest little voice: And pwease help us not to punch someone in the face.
(The girls played dress up with baby Jarom the other day, and dressed him up like this, haha!)


Charity: Mommy, I think I'm allergic to snow. You know why? My hands get fweezing when I touch it.

And you'll never guess what was on her Christmas list this year.  She asked Santa for a Liahona.  (Sorry- only Mormons will get that.)

Benny: "Can we please have some yucky charms?" (I was seriously so disappointed when he learned how to pronounce his L's.)
Benny's blessing on the food recently...
"Please bless us to drive home safely (We were already home), and thank you that Mommy made this nice dinner (Daddy brought home Boston Market that night), and please help us have a nice weekend. (It was Tuesday night) Haha!

Sometimes you just gotta laugh! I like this quote by Sister Hinckley, "The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Go Packers!

My Jewels

This was our family portrait this year. I was pleased with how it turned out. For the first time since kids came into the picture (literally), we finally had a relatively calm family portrait experience. Usually, it's such an exhausting ordeal getting everyone ready... and nearly impossible to get everyone to smile, let alone look in the same direction. But we actually pulled it off this time, and it was quite painless. This was even the very first picture she took!! We bribed the kids with the opportunity to meet Santa after we were done. We'll definitely have to remember that trick for next year.

And here was their reward... (although it looks like it was a bit of a letdown for them, haha!)


Even though no one is smiling, I just love this picture. It was a special night for us... Jon and I were walking around the mall side by side, one of the kids up on his shoulders, laughing and playing. We were all taking in the sights and sounds of the season, the kids were cooperating, and we were all just happy to be together. All was right with the world. So this will always be a special picture to me and a reminder of the goodness of God. He has blessed me with much more than I deserve. I love this story shared by President Hinckley:

In ancient Rome a group of women were, with vanity, showing their jewels one to another. Among them was Cornelia, the mother of two boys. One of the women said to her, “And where are your jewels?” To which Cornelia responded, pointing to her sons, “These are my jewels.” Under her tutelage and walking after the virtues of her life, they grew to become Gaius and Tiberius Gracchus—the Gracchi, as they were called—two of the most persuasive and effective reformers in Roman history.

My children are the jewels of my life. I am richly blessed to have the opportunity to raise them with a faithful husband by my side leading us through this world and putting his trust in the Lord. I truly couldn't ask for more.

Deep Beauty

The Lord “seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).


We had a special program for the Young Women in November called, "Young Women in Excellence". The purpose of this yearly event is to celebrate the young women and recognize their personal progress accomplishments.

So the idea we came up with was to have a "Deep Beauty" pageant for the girls. A funny/mock pageant focusing on lasting inner beauty instead of the superficial. The girls were the stars of the evening and they'd each get to choose to represent a value: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue. Each value has a color assigned to it, so each girl had to dress in the most outrageous outfit she could put together in that color.

Just to make sure they understood, the leaders dressed up a few weeks before the event to demonstrate. I'm sure they thought we were a bit WaCKo! You should have seen the looks we got when we showed up for our activity that night, haha! Here were our outfits... (however, you can't see M's leg warmers, my red high heels, and L's eye shadow.) Too fun! The girls got really excited to come up with their own ridiculous ensemble.
So this is how the program unfolded... each girl walked down the red carpet and came up on stage, shared the scripture and motto for the value she represented, answered a question by the emcee and received her award. Then I spoke about the meaning of deep beauty. Following my talk, the Bishop gave some closing remarks and then we were dismissed to look at the girls' personal progress accomplishments displayed on tables around the room. Lastly, we all had refreshments while we watched a slideshow of pictures from all our activities that one of the young women put together for her personal progress project. It was a really wonderful night! I hope it was special and memorable for the young women.

Here are some pictures:

Goofy pic of the girls (and the hot emcee). These are all the yw except a few girls who couldn't make it that night...

Enjoying some refreshments after the program...

Here's one of the beauties!

A couple cuties were asked to help hand out awards...

Celeste was SO excited to help with the program. She kept saying, "I can't WAIT till I'm in young womens!"

It was fun to see how creative the girls got with their outfits! Some went all out... blue lipstick, blue hair dye, etc...

Taking a final bow...

During my talk, I shared a few quotes and stories from the prophets and other church leaders. I've listed a few highlights below.

Sister Dalton was introduced to President McKay as a young woman, and had the privilege of meeting his wife. The following is her story:

President McKay reached for his wife’s hand and said, “Now, young women, I would like you to meet my queen.” There seated next to him was his wife, Emma Ray McKay. Although she did not wear a crown of sparkling diamonds, nor was she seated on a throne, I knew she was a true queen. Her white hair was her crown, and her pure eyes sparkled like jewels. As President and Sister McKay spoke of their family and their life together, their intertwined hands spoke volumes about their love. Joy radiated from their faces. Hers was a beauty that cannot be purchased. It came from years of seeking the best gifts, becoming well educated, seeking knowledge by study and also by faith. It came from years of hard work, of faithfully enduring trials with optimism, trust, strength, and courage. It came from her unwavering devotion and fidelity to her husband, her family, and the Lord.

On that fall day in Huntsville, Utah, I was reminded of my divine identity, and I learned about what I now call “deep beauty”—the kind of beauty that shines from the inside out. It is the kind of beauty that cannot be painted on, surgically created, or purchased. It is the kind of beauty that doesn’t wash off. It is spiritual attractiveness. Deep beauty springs from virtue. It is the beauty of being chaste and morally clean. It is the kind of beauty that you see in the eyes of virtuous women like your mother and grandmother. It is a beauty that is earned through faith, repentance, and honoring covenants.

The world places so much emphasis on physical attractiveness and would have you believe that you are to look like the elusive model on the cover of a magazine. The Lord would tell you that you are each uniquely beautiful. When you are virtuous, chaste, and morally clean, your inner beauty glows in your eyes and in your face. My grandfather used to say, “If you live close to God and His infinite grace—you won’t have to tell, it will show in your face.” When you are worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, you are confident and your inner beauty shines brightly. And so “let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and … the Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion.”

We have been taught that “the gift of the Holy Ghost … quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections. … It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features.” Now, that is a great beauty secret! That is the beauty I observed in the home of a prophet. That day I learned that the beauty I saw in Sister McKay was the only beauty that really matters and the only kind of beauty that lasts.

Happiness comes from accepting the bodies we have been given as divine gifts and enhancing our natural attributes, not from remaking our bodies after the image of the world. The Lord wants us to be made over—but in His image, not in the image of the world, by receiving His image in our countenances (see Alma 5:14, 19). (Sister Tanner)


From Elder Nelson's talk to Young Women:
Frankly, the world has been brutal with you... you are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is, “If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular.” That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood. In too many cases too much is being done to the human body to meet just such a fictional (to say nothing of superficial) standard. As one Hollywood actress is reported to have said recently: “We’ve become obsessed with beauty and the fountain of youth. … I’m really saddened by the way women mutilate [themselves] in search of that. I see women [including young women] … pulling this up and tucking that back. It’s like a slippery slope. [You can’t get off of it.] … It’s really insane … what society is doing to women.” In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women, including young women, face in the modern world. And if adults are preoccupied with appearance—tucking and nipping and implanting and remodeling everything that can be remodeled—those pressures and anxieties will certainly seep through to children. At some point the problem becomes what the Book of Mormon called “vain imaginations.”
A woman not of our faith once wrote something to the effect that in her years of working with beautiful women she had seen several things they all had in common, and not one of them had anything to do with sizes and shapes. She said the loveliest women she had known had a glow of health, a warm personality, a love of learning, stability of character, and integrity. If we may add the sweet and gentle Spirit of the Lord carried by such a woman, then this describes the loveliness of women in any age or time, every element of which is emphasized in and attainable through the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity. (Sister Nadauld)


God sent women to earth with some qualities in extra capacity. In speaking to young women, President Faust observed that femininity “is the divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your … capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength. It is manifest differently in each girl or woman, but each … possesses it. Femininity is part of your inner beauty."

I hope these deeply beautiful young women always remember the value and importance of seeking after the gift of charity and developing other Christlike attributes. Usually in a pageant, there is only one declared the fairest of them all. But there was no competition in this beauty pageant because each girl has an equal privilege to have His image engraven upon their countenance. And His image is the truest and deepest beauty there is.

Perfectly Imperfect

I just love the fall season. It's absolutely gorgeous here in Wisconsin. It's been known to snow here before halloween... but thankfully this fall was pretty mild. We took advantage of it, and went on special family outings- picnics, trips to the park, and family bike rides. If you're wondering how in the world we made that happen, Jon and I both rode bikes with a kid seat attached, Celeste rode her own bike along side of us, and there was a bike trailer attached to Jon's bike to haul the other 2 kids! People did double-take when they saw us ride by with all those kids in tow!

So we went to this cute little pumpkin farm and petting zoo to pick out our pumpkins. It was a nice little family outing on a perfect crisp autumn evening... total bliss... until Jarom pooped through his pants, kids started fighting over pumpkins, and Jakey had a meltdown. Let's get real... life with little kids can be seriously stressful and out of control at times. I rarely take pics of those moments though! Haha! Only the good stuff here...

But honestly, I wouldn't change it. I'm learning that the stress and difficulty of those hard parenting moments help me to grow in patience and love. We wouldn't develop these attributes without the problems. I like this old saying, "There are no problems, only opportunities." Sometimes I get so frustrated with the kids (just for acting like kids.) But they're innocent... and not even accountable for their actions until they're 8. The bickering and whining is a TEST for us- the adults all around them. So some days are better than others and I remember to be patient and teach with gentleness and other days are not so good. But I hope I will grow in love and patience every day... and in the end, ironically, I can thank my kids for who they help me become.

I'm learning that happiness in life is all about perspecive. "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." -Unknown

Daddy's Boy

Jakey is now definitely a Daddy's Boy. I'm usually the fave around here until they turn about 2 years old. And then it's all about Daddy. When Daddy comes home after work, the kids just go crazy... They all scream, "DADDY!!!!!! And they all run and tackle him. And he loves it- he lives for it actually. It's the best part of his day. I think by the end of the day they're probably pretty tired of me, and I need the break too, so it works for everyone!

Clearly, Daddy is more fun than Mommy! But I'm ok with that. They still come to me when they want to snuggle. :)

Kids simply need both a mother and a father to teach, care for, and nuture them. Men and women are given different strengths that naturally complement one another. I love this section of the "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". I know this proclamation was divinely inspired, and that it came at a time when the world was in desperate need of these eternal truths:

"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

Conference

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there is a conference held twice a year in Salt Lake City, Utah and broadcast all over the world. A few weeks ago our family was blessed to watch the 179th Semiannual General Conference. It is a special opportunity to listen to uplifting music from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and inspiring messages from our church leaders. But the most wonderful thing about the conference is that we have the opportunity to receive guidance and loving direction from a prophet of God. We believe that there is a prophet on the earth today just as in ancient times... like Abraham and Moses. I have personally received a witness from the Holy Spirit that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God. I always leave the conference feeling edified, hopeful, and committed to be a better person.

Here is a link to read or listen to the talks:

http://lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,23-1-1117,00.html

The following was my favorite talk. They were all wonderful, but this one was especially meaningful to me:


http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1117-7,00.html

Mormon Message

I love this video about the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that He will heal, comfort, and transform us when we turn to Him in faith. He has healed my broken heart, and He has given me hope to keep trying when life seemed unbearable. I testify of His infinite and perfect love for each one of us.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Mattew 11:28

Daddy's Girl

My very favorite time of the day is when we put the couches together after dinner and have "snuggle scriptures" as a family. It's just a little bit of time we have together at the end of the day to be close and to learn about the gospel. But I swear something tries to keep us from making it happen, because inevitably the phone will ring, or someone comes to the door, or we'll get in a little tiff right before this special, sacred time. I love this little tradition, but sometimes, when the kids are being... well... kids, I wonder if it's making any difference. But I know that it is. I really appreciated what Elder Bednar shared in conference last week...


"Sometimes Sister Bednar and I wondered if our efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. Now and then verses of scripture were read amid outbursts such as “He’s touching me!” “Make him stop looking at me!” “Mom, he’s breathing my air!” Sincere prayers occasionally were interrupted with giggling and poking. And with active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons did not always produce high levels of edification. At times Sister Bednar and I were exasperated because the righteous habits we worked so hard to foster did not seem to yield immediately the spiritual results we wanted and expected. Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent."


Consistency, (not perfection) is what we are striving for! And all of this matters because "No success in life can compensate for failure in the home." (David O. McKay) I remember when Elder Rasband of the Seventy came to visit our church in Ohio, and he said something about this statement that gave me great hope. He shared that quote and then added, "and the definition of failure... is when you stop trying."

So every night after we finish reading, we give a big group hug we call, "Hudson Hugs" (I know it's so cheesy ha ha!), and we all say, "I yuv yew famiyee!" (This is how Benny and Charity say it since they can't pronounce their "L"s- the funniest is when they ask for "yucky charms") But anyway, just this simple embrace seems to dispel any contentious feelings, or lingering negativity that might have built up among us during the day. It reminds us how much we love each other. And I think it's important to end the day on a good note.


So tonight, during snuggle scriptures, Charity climbed on Daddy's lap, and they both fell asleep. She had been a little lethargic for most of the day. I think she might be getting sick. :( It was too sweet, so I had to stop and capture the moment. She is such a Daddy's girl!

I am grateful to have a husband who is such a wonderful man and a kind and loving father. And I'm grateful for my little sweeties. They are each such a tremendous blessing in my life. I just yuv my famiyee. ;)

Simple Thought

Recently I have begun listening to K-LOVE (a Christian radio station) because it seems to be one of the only uplifting stations I can find these days. Tonight I was touched by a spiritual thought, and I wanted to share it. It was from Rick Warren's book, "The Purpose Driven Life". I have read this book, and although I am not in complete agreement with everything in it, I feel that it is truly an inspired book that has blessed millions of lives including mine. So the spiritual thought was that we have a tendency to make the excuse in our lives that God won't use us for His purposes because we aren't "good enough". We feel inadequate and become discouraged, and our capacity to do good is lessened. But Warren argues that, "All God's giants were weak people." He goes on to specify the weaknesses of some of the greatest prophets and spiritual leaders of all time:
-"Moses' weakness was his temper but God transformed him into "the humblest man on earth."
-Gideon's weakness was low self-esteem and deep insecurities but God transformed him into a "mighty man of valor."
-Abraham's weakness was fear but he became "the father of those who have faith."
-Impulsive, weak-willed Peter became "a rock."
-The adulterer David became "a man after my own heart."
-Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samual are other examples of men whose weaknesses were turned into strengths.

We can also liken this to the prophets in the Book of Mormon. Here are just a few examples I could think of:

-Enoch described himself as “but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech.” (Moses 6:31)
-Ether was unpopular- people “esteemed him as naught.” (Ether 13:13)
-Alma the younger and Enos both had a rebellious past.
-Moroni did not have the gift of good judgment in writing "for Lord thou hast made us mighty in word by faith, but thou hast not made us mighty in writing" (Ether 12:24)

But in spite of these weaknesses, look at the great work that Heavenly Father performed through each one of them! Their words and the examples of their lives continue to bless the world.

These examples of "weak" men, give me hope that the Lord can do a mighty work through all those who are willing to put their trust in Him. I believe that each of us have an entirely unique mission to perform on this earth, and that the Lord can use His weak instruments, to bless other people's lives. I believe that this is only possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. We are made perfect in Christ through his grace, and through our faith, repentance, and obedience to His commandments.

Ether 12:27- And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

The "gospel" truly is the good news! It is a message of hope for all of us weak ones.

Simplify

I love this picture for what it represents... those sweet and simple moments with those we love the most.

I recently read a very disturbing article from the Associated Press about President Obama's new ideas on educating our children. He is proposing that we extend the school day from 1-3 hours, and that we curtail summer vacation to stay competitive in the world. What?! I am so concerned about what this means for families if this passes. So where is the time for the family to be together? Where is the time for family values to be taught and exemplified? My friend had a good suggestion that to stay competitive in the world, we use the current school hours more wisely, and cut out ineffective programs and activities. I think that would be a much better solution. I fear that this proposal could pass since many leaders in the country might see this initiative as "free childcare". You better believe if this plan is implemented... that will be the day I homeschool my children.

Anyway, I am really passionate about this topic, and how the adversary would have us fill our lives with so many distractions, and so much STUFF... that we miss out on those simple moments... the most important things in life, that really aren't things. I firmly believe that children need time at home with the family, unstructured time to just be together. Here are some inspiring quotes on this subject:

"Our lives have become intensely fast paced filled with business and a frantic flitting about that was uncharacteristic of earlier ages. We pack our lives with so many activities and pursuits that many of us have lost sight of something that is of critical importance to families… time together." -Gordon B. Hinckley

"Women today are encouraged by some to have it all: money, travel, marriage, motherhood, and separate careers in the world. . . However, you cannot do all these things well at the same time. You cannot be a 100-percent wife, a 100-percent mother, a 100-percent Church worker, a 100-percent career person, and a 100-percent public-service person at the same time. How can all of these roles be coordinated? I suggest that you can have it sequentially. Sequentially is a big word meaning to do things one at a time at different times. The book of Ecclesiastes says: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under … heaven.”~ James Faust

"Mothers who know... do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world's goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord's kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power." -Julie B. Beck

So go hug your little ones today and enjoy a few sweet and simple moments together. :)

Back to School

I can't believe how the time is flying! Celeste has started 1st grade and she LOVES it! She met a little girl from our church that sits next to her in class. That was a great blessing for her. They instantly became best friends. (I love how kids do that!)

Our little Benny-bud has also started school. He's enrolled in a 4K program here and he really enjoys it. It's a great (and free!) preschool opportunity offered by the school district to help prepare 4 year-olds for kindergarten. It's well organized, with wonderful teachers (and did I say, free?!)

It's been nice to have a little extra time with Charity and Baby Jakey. We usually read together, have learning time, or go grocery shopping. I can't believe how much easier it is to shop with only 2 kids. (Although I remember complaining to Mr. Wonderful about shopping with 2 kids when Celeste and Benny were little.) Interesting how perspective changes the more kids you have... ha ha!
Brotherly love!

I'm really happy here in Wisconsin, but now that life is getting more fast-paced and stressful with my new church calling, and Jon's responsibilities at work, and the kids activities, I have had a tendency to get caught up in trying to get everything done, and help get everyone where they need to be, and keep everything clean (that's a joke), and keep everybody fed and happy. Sometimes, I try to "run faster than I have strength" and then I get discouraged. It seems that all too often I forget to stop and simply enjoy the moments. Here is a quote by Anna Quindlen that makes me cry and inspires me at the same time:

"But the biggest mistake I made as a parent is that I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."

This quote resonates with me so much because one of my worst fears would be to be so busy running around and getting things done, that I would completely miss the point of it all... which is to find joy in this journey called motherhood. I don't want to look back in regret someday, so I think I'll take a moment right now and go watch my little ones sleep. For all too soon, precious moments like these will be gone.