Sorry to be a downer, but I'm just exhausted tonight and have nothing really substantial to write. Normally this is a day I wouldn't write anything, but since I committed to writing a post every day this month, I thought I'd better follow through. Plus, I was thinking about the blogs that resonate with me the most, and they're usually the ones that share the ups... and the downs too. I appreciate optimism, and those kind of posts inspire me, but I feel most connected with women who write about the challenges and low points of motherhood also. I think there's a tendency out there in the blogging world (especially among us mormon moms) to hide behind this facade that life is just perfect for us ALL the time. And yes, we have much to be happy about. But sometimes, life is really hard. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and stressed out tonight. I'm leaving at 5:15 tomorrow morning to pick up the young women and take them rock climbing. And I still have tons to do to get ready... but I have zero energy left to GIVE ANY MORE tonight.
My biggest goal today was to get the house under control again. This is a daily battle. So I've been working most of the day trying to keep this home clean. I swept, mopped, organized, cleaned, vacuumed, etc... and I just looked downstairs, and it all looks exactly like it did this morning. It looks like it wasn't even touched!! Frankly, homemaking can be downright exhausting and feel so unfulfilling sometimes.
I'm also stressed out over a paticular child who I don't know what to do with. He is the sweetest and most tenderhearted kid. But when he misbehaves, the time-out is a completely ineffective discipline technique for him. And positive reinforcement doesn't work either. For my degree in Social Sciences, I studied child development, and took a few family studies classes, and this was definitely not in the text book, haha! I'm completely clueless as to how to handle him. The textbooks and the "Super Nanny" make parenting look so easy. It's just tough because it seems that what works with one kid, doesn't work with the next! Ugh.
It was just one of those days. Oh well. I just read over this post, and I realized that if this is all I have to complain about, my life is pretty darn good. But seriously, life and motherhood is just really hard sometimes.
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8 comments:
I appreciate this post, Nicole. We all truly do have hard days. Here are some things that work for me in keeping the house somewhat tidy. No toys are allowed outside the kid's rooms. NO TOYS. If they want to play with them - they go to their room. Second: I have instituted a job chart. I am amazed at how much cleaning Anna can do and she does a great job. Let Celeste lighten some of your load. After all, you're raising her to be a wife/mother, too. Try to do the deep cleaning once a week with a few touch-ups each day. Finally - don't be so hard on yourself. We tend to hold ourselves to such high standards when it's not realistic or healthy. You are a great wife and mother. Just remember that. (((HUGS)))
Yeah, I have a kid like that too. We started time out, and then she would go into full on tantrums when we said the word! We tried a little swat, more tantrums, putting it in her room, etc, etc. It has come to the unfortunate conclusion that she responds to a healthy balance of all of the above depending on how serious the offense was, how quickly she obeys before the punishment escalates and if we're in public or not. Defintitely not my idea of discipline especially since my first was 100% by the book, did everything we were told she would. But my 'difficult' child has that love for music that melts my heart, and I see it as a total tender mercy that we can share that love to balance the hard times.
Amen!
Luckily the "fits" tend to lessen as they get older. Just keep trying, and doing what your doing. He'll turn out great! But I hear ya, on just how frusturating those fits can be. Wow. And the house work...Amen. I try to keep my house clean, but there are just some days, I quit stressing about it, and let it be messy until I can get to it. I'm only one person. I do try to get my kids to help, but you know how that is. I don't know what the answer is, but I think that we don't have to be so worried about our houses being clean all the time. At least that is what I'm trying to do. I'm also trying to replace to negative thoughts that come to my mind during the day about all the things that didn't get done, with positive thoughts about what I did do. Ya know...whenever I think something negative, I try to recognize it, and then think the opposite; something positive. I'v been doing this for about a week, and it is really helping me. Expecially with all the monotonist chores that we deal with everyday! (Like, "I hate doing the dishes", replaced with "I'm so grateful for electricity and dishwashers." You get the idea. And you probably have already been doing this. You are awesome! And you are doing a great job. We just all have days when it just "gets to us." And you are so nice, that you probably go the extra mile in your calling and everything else you do. Creating even more stress. But I know how that is. Thank heaven that it we get breaks from days like this, and mostly life's good. I know that the Lord sustains us in the great work of Motherhood. You are such a great example. And it is nice of you to write about the day that wasn't so great for all of us that can totally relate. And it does help to hear that someone else is struggeling with the same things I am. Love ya!
I know all too well how you feel. Thanks for being brave enough to post about the time that are trying. i know I do not post enough of that because I am worried about reading back and it's all whining, but then again it feels a little fake when I don't pepper my blog with reality. I think blogs are anawesome way to get support and advice from others. I love to blog too! Have you considered finding the things that really make your "difficult" child tick..such as priviledges, desserts, or certain toys or books? We have had a hard time with some of our children and time out too and it seems like the most effective thing to do for them is to take away their "thing" for a certain amount of time. For example, Joseph LOVES to read and would do so all day every day if I let him. So in the case of bad behavior I will not limit the anount of time he gets to read that day.
Another child of mine could care less that he is in time out doesn't seem to learn from being there so we have to be more logical about why he was in time out and offer natural consequences for him. Like the other day he got pretty mad and pounded his fist on my laptop. As a consequence, I spoke to him about how I didn't want him treating my stuff that way and then took awayall computer screen time for 3 days. (I was THAT put out by it!)I still had to remind him that he couldn't have the screen time, but I stuck to it. He sure learned his lesson from that one! I think you are an amazing Mom and woman. Kids are just big spirits in little bodies. Sometimes we have to look a little deeper to guide that spirit more effectively. You'll do great!
Sorry today was a hard one...we all have them. The house and everything else can get overwhelming....I have had the kids step it up and it has made a big difference. Ella thinks it is a fun thing to wash the kitchen floor!!!! it may not be perfect...but I gave up on perfect!
I have a quote on my fridge from PRes. Hinckley: ( I may have told you this before)
" I feel to invite women everywhere to rise to the great potential within you. I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity. I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure. I hope you will not try and set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. I hope you will simply do what you can in the best way you know. If you do, you will witness miracles come to pass"
my trick to get me through the worst of house stress days: clean early in the morning....then LEAVE...with the kids, ofcourse...and don't come back till naps....then you get to enjoy your hard work.:)
In regard to those kids where "nothing works"...yeah, a lot of kids defy all the textbooks. About 3 years ago I read a book that turned my parenting ideas upside down, and I'm so glad I did. I don't think it's a perfect book by any means, but i do think it made soem good points, and it got me thinking about some things. http://brightonwoman.blogspot.com/2007/03/unconditional-parenting-by-alfie-kohn.html there's my review of it, if you'd like to take a look.
As for time out not working...I hear ya there too. I need to write a post about my thoughts on that, but basically I've more or less given up "time out" and replaced it with "time in" which seems to work a lot better--at least for our kids. I'll go write about it right now. :)
just posted it http://brightonwoman.blogspot.com/2009/10/time-out-time-in.html
I really appreciate that you feel comfortable talking about the ups AND downs! Sometimes it can be really hard to be that open... but I find as I document BOTH, I realize that it's okay to have good and bad days. Life goes on... and usually the next day is a little better :)
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